Jenn's rant #6

I often wonder if people have any clue on the impact they can make on other peoples lives. My OB, for example, is often discussed with many of my friends and relatives on luncheons because we have all had her for a doctor during one of our pregnancies. She has such a huge impact on all of us. Her opinion is so valuable, and we are always comforted by talking to her. And even when I didn't see her the day after I delivered and was extremely bitter...I completely forgave her the second she did come to see me, even if it was days later. I recently met with her again as a follow up to my 6 week post op appointment to "check in" and make sure I was doing ok. I thought this was really thoughtful of her to suggest. I'm no longer pregnant, she really doesn't have to follow up on me, but she does...and she cares...I wonder if she has any idea on how much I value everything she says? We discussed possible future pregnancies...Not that I plan on being pregnant anytime soon, but I needed to know what would happen if I decided to go down that road again. She told me that I had a lot going against me before, which I already knew...twins, and TTTS....so chances are, I could probably carry a normal singleton baby again. However, there is still the whole issue with my "incompetent cervix". If I did get pregnant, I would be seeing her as soon as I found out, and I have the choice of whether I do a cerclage immediately after the first trimester or play the "wait and see game", which I think most of you know by now, I don't do that game. I felt better after our discussion, a bit hopeful. I'm not sure if I will ever get pregnant again, but I don't want that option to be taken away from me.

I remember almost everything and everyone...sometimes a good quality and other times a bad one to have. I remember the Dr. who was working the shift before I delivered, and how she came to talk to me the next day even though she had nothing to do with my delivery (however she did deliver Emily, which I'm sure she doesn't remember). The Dr. who delivered Jessica and Alyssa was also the Dr who admitted me on bedrest and who performed my first cerclage with Dr. M. She is also my GYN who I see yearly. I realize that Dr's can be extremely busy people, but I was very shocked, and a little angry to be honest, that at a recent appointment this Dr. didn't even know about Jessica passing away. I've always had a good relationship with her, and had a good opinion of her up until this last time with her. Are doctors really that impersonal that they don't follow up on their patients at all??? I saw her 5 times this year, and 3 of those visits were pretty scary times for me, but yet she had no clue. I went into the appointment nervous and feeling a little overwhelmed because this was the first time I saw her since the birth of the twins...but I never thought I would have to tell her that the baby she delivered passed away. And her response?? "oh that's tough".

Some people really have no idea how much of an impact they can make on our lives...So many people who I was close to before this past summer were too chickenshit of what to say to me, so they said nothing, and still say nothing. I still talk about normal things you know. I have way more respect for someone who communicates and says all the wrong things, then someone who takes the easy road and says nothing at all. In saying that, there has also been many more people, friends, family, and some people who I barely knew who have become very close, and made a big effort to not ignore me, and not pretend that nothing happened....some who have even gone out of their way to look up information about losing a twin for me, and for themselves to try and understand. I often forget that it was only US who lost a child, and the rest of the world continued on like normal.