It's hard to believe that Alyssa and Jessica were born 4 weeks ago. It feels like they've been in the NICU for much longer. It's amazing, and scary how much they've both been through this month...and still fighting. I don't know to many people who can go through everything they've been through and still look as cute as they do.
Today was change over day. Every 3 weeks the neonatologist and their team (usually involves a clinical associate who is a doctor trained overseas normally, or a nurse practitioner) rotate, therefore the parents and babies have to get used to someone new. Which could be both good and bad, depending on your relationship with the previous doctor I guess. We really loved Dr. J as I've said many times before, she made me calm. Dr. G is on for the next 3 weeks, and he's a little more blunt then I'm used to. Every one just has there own ways of doing things, and I'm not quite used to his yet.
Friday I mentioned that Jessica was coming off the oscillator...well it was short lived, because her C02 increased to the high 80's very quickly. The nurses did 3 blood tests for her gases, because no one wanted to believe that it was accurate. Therefore back on the jiggler she went, and she was getting more of the paralyser medication as well (rocuronium I think). She's been "stable". I always found comfort in stability as you'll remember from my pregnancy. It always seemed if things were stable, things were good. After today I'm not so sure. It has been 4 weeks, and a couple weeks since Jessica's surgery, and Dr. G very bluntly told me how sick she was in rounds today, and how her body is not showing any signs of healing on her own, and that the "machines" and medication were doing most of the work. I guess as nieve as this may seem, I never really thought of it like that. I keep thinking one day at a time, every day we get through, the better. Now I'm scared, because although she is "stable" she really isn't getting better. I think she will, and I hope and pray she will, but his bluntness today really hit home. And it's a little embarrassing to be crying in the middle of rounds when the entire team is around you. Today Jessica also had an abdominal U/S and a cranial U/S that we'll probably find the results for tomorrow. The cranial U/S is not going to affect treatment now, we just wanted to know if her PVL (periventricular leukomalacia) is progressing or staying the same. Please pray that tomorrow we'll have some good results for both U/S's.
Rounds with Alyssa this morning seemed a little more optimistic. Although she has some severe lung damage (BPD) like Jessica, they feel her infection is improving, although very slowly. They started her on a steroid today, which is suppose to help decrease the inflammation in the lungs, and help to wean her off the ventilator eventually. Dr. G said that hopefully we'll see an improvement in 24 hours which will be 1pm tomorrow.
So today was a little bit of a bummer day, and I hope my feelings of sadness were not obvious to Jessica or Alyssa. Keith and I thought we needed a lunch away from the hospital, so we went to My Father's Moustache and sat on the patio for a couple drinks and food (yes I pumped and dumped). We needed it today, but definetly not something we can do everyday...I forgot how expensive eating out was.
Emily is doing well. She always cheers us up at the end of the day when we go to pick her up. She has been so good through all of this. It has been really hard on me though, especially when we were staying at the hospital, because Mom and Dad spent the most time with her, besides at childcare, so Emily started calling my Mom and Dad (yes Dad too) "Mommy", I had to keep saying, "Emily, I'm Mommy". But now that we're home again, it has been better. She just recently started to cuddle with me, and although I'm not suppose to be lifting for another 2 weeks, sometimes I just have to pick her up in my arms and hold her...I need that more that the healing of my incision I think.
That's it for now, I apologize for my very tardy thank you notes, wedding cards (Michelle), birthday cards (Tammy and Danielle), and graduation cards (Kelly)...better late then never right??
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