As most of you know, we have have a very strong connection with the IWK because of a complicated twin pregnancy and delivering prematurely. But it doesn't take 110 days to realize how important and necessary the IWK is for all kids. My passion for the IWK 5K - In Memory of Jessica grew even more after a simple day surgery experience with Alyssa yesturday for a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy for sleep apnea.
Not just anyone can work there, it really is a specialized group of individuals with the kindest souls who absolutely love their job (or at least do a great job pretending). From the moment we walked in, Alyssa was entertained. What I thought would be a long hour and 30 mins waiting before surgery, was not long at all. She was given an "art kit" to keep her busy, a TV, and a volunteer to show us all around day surgery and recovery room and great explanations of what to expect. We met with the OR nurse, the surgeon, and the anaesthesiologist before hand with thorough explanations to both Alyssa and Keith and I. I love how they know all the right things to say to kids. Alyssa was having so much fun beforehand that she even said to us "this is really fun"
Surgery itself was only 40 mins, and the surgeon was in the waiting room to tell us that surgery was a success and we should notice a huge difference in Alyssa's sleep, mood, concentration and a growth spurt very quickly. She told us that her tonsils were HUGE, so big that one of the nurses said the surgeon actually wrote in the chart how big the tonsils were followed by !!!! She told us that Alyssa fell asleep very easily as they played and sang Frozen's "Let it Go" for her...how brilliant is that;) Apparently the anaesthesiologist is a wonderful singer!
The day surgery nurses were wonderful. They called us as soon as she woke up, and provided her with lots of popsicles, juice and explained in great kid terms what the IV was doing in her arm...it's a special drinking straw of course. We never felt rushed to leave, we left when Alyssa was ready to go home and then she was rewarded with a "Star Patient Award" presented by the IWK Day Surgery Staff, with a bucket full of stickers and other cool little stuff. Great way for every kid to feel special.
And then one of her favorite parts of the day was getting to sit in a wheelchair and transported down to the front doors:) Great day at the IWK. What could have been a scary day, was a fun, enjoyable experience for the most part...can't help the sore throat fully.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Thursday, June 12, 2014
6 years ago I used to write on this blog weekly. Sometimes daily updating everyone on the status of my pregnancy...and then today I come back to it and notice it has been exactly one year and one day since I last wrote on this blog.
I used to find comfort in writing randomly to whoever would listen, ranting about my challenges and glorifying our leaps. I've moved on since then. And although sometimes it feels really good to cleanse my mind of my super stimulating thoughts ;) I've become a little more private and keep most of those feeling to myself. But yet, here I am June 12th... back to my comfort area of writing on my blog. Still not sure of what I am going to talk about...yet. but I am here, because I feel like I need to be. I have some things to say.
First off I wanted to talk about my day. This afternoon at 3pm I met with many of my nursing coworkers from 7.1 to celebrate the life of another nurse coworker Laura Lee LeBrun who passed away May 19th at the age of 38. It absolutely breaks my heart that I am actually writing this. I didn't know her as well as the other nurses on my floor did, but I knew her well enough to know that I really liked her. She was our charge nurse, so someone I chatted with regularly about the patients on the floor. She was a very social person, so we chatted about other non related work things probably more then we should have. She was so kind, so genuine, so beautiful with an amazing personality. I remember her talking about her love of sailing, her bootcamps, her mom, and the many short relationships she had. I knew a great guy who was attractive, loved to sail, and did well for himself who was a part of my family through my brother....so I set them up, and they married...but they sadly did not live happily ever after because Laura Lee found out she had cancer shortly after their honeymoon.
I feel very mixed emotions...part of me is so happy that they found true love with each other, and that Stefan and his family were so supportive for her during her battle with cancer, and part of me feels guilty in the pain that he is feeling right now after losing the love of his life. I feel like that is my fault. I feel like if I didn't set them up, he wouldn't be feeling the incredible loss that he is feeling right now. I don't know what it is like to lose a spouse, and I hope that I never feel that loss for a very long time. But I know what it feels like to lose someone you love. And the thoughtful man that he is...says to me today " I know today is the day Jessica passed away" and I cut him short and said...right now is about Laura Lee....
Over 30 nurses stood together while poems were read and memories of Laura Lee were shared. We released our balloons into the air for our friend, and she was present...as a large rainbow made it's presence in the sky that showed no signs of rain. It was a sign to show she approved...and that she was there with us all today.
Days like today remind me how precious our lives are. How precious our loved ones really are. We often take for granted so much in our lives and blame our busy schedules and lack of time for the reasons we don't call our family or friends often enough, or why we don't make the effort to visit more often. Sometimes we work to hard, we spend so much time on the things that really don't matter in the big picture. When you lose someone important to you, all you wish is that you had more time to spend with them. I only knew Jessica for one month, I never had the chance to really get to know her, even though I see her face everyday in Alyssa.
It sounds silly, but I still feel the need to be a mother to my daughter in heaven. It is a challenge...and there is only so much that I can do, but I need to. That's the best way to explain it. I need to do this. I send up balloons to her on her birthday and anniversary of her death. I light a candle in her memory. And I organize the IWK 5K - In Memory of Jessica, because it is my way to be a Mom to my Jessica who passed away six years ago today. I celebrate her short life, and hope to help other families so that they won't experience this loss. And for anyone who knows me...for the last couple of years my life has been pretty routine, I spend 6 months organizing the IWK event to keep me busy during a really hard time of the year, and then then next 6 months focused on myself training on a marathon to keep me busy. This is how I cope. And it is really the only way I know how.
Tonight my girls came home after soccer with Keith with me crying typing out this blog. They started to cry as they saw me cry. They asked me why I was so sad and then I told them about today. I told them about our celebration and I told them about Jessica's anniversary. Tonight was one of those nights where we question when the right time to tell the girls about their sister really is/was. Emily remembered right away and immediately started crying, and then right after Alyssa joined in. And the four of us sat on a single sofa chair hugging each other crying...Alyssa always seemed too young to really understand and not really as emotional as Emily, but tonight as we held her in our arms, she cried and said "Jessica is my twin"...she really understood. So we put down two very tired, emotional girls, with extra long cuddles and more kisses then normal....
It is ok to cry. It is ok to be sad. It is ok to love someone that is no longer here. But remember to love those that are still here...and always make time for each other now, because tomorrow you may not have that chance
I used to find comfort in writing randomly to whoever would listen, ranting about my challenges and glorifying our leaps. I've moved on since then. And although sometimes it feels really good to cleanse my mind of my super stimulating thoughts ;) I've become a little more private and keep most of those feeling to myself. But yet, here I am June 12th... back to my comfort area of writing on my blog. Still not sure of what I am going to talk about...yet. but I am here, because I feel like I need to be. I have some things to say.
First off I wanted to talk about my day. This afternoon at 3pm I met with many of my nursing coworkers from 7.1 to celebrate the life of another nurse coworker Laura Lee LeBrun who passed away May 19th at the age of 38. It absolutely breaks my heart that I am actually writing this. I didn't know her as well as the other nurses on my floor did, but I knew her well enough to know that I really liked her. She was our charge nurse, so someone I chatted with regularly about the patients on the floor. She was a very social person, so we chatted about other non related work things probably more then we should have. She was so kind, so genuine, so beautiful with an amazing personality. I remember her talking about her love of sailing, her bootcamps, her mom, and the many short relationships she had. I knew a great guy who was attractive, loved to sail, and did well for himself who was a part of my family through my brother....so I set them up, and they married...but they sadly did not live happily ever after because Laura Lee found out she had cancer shortly after their honeymoon.
I feel very mixed emotions...part of me is so happy that they found true love with each other, and that Stefan and his family were so supportive for her during her battle with cancer, and part of me feels guilty in the pain that he is feeling right now after losing the love of his life. I feel like that is my fault. I feel like if I didn't set them up, he wouldn't be feeling the incredible loss that he is feeling right now. I don't know what it is like to lose a spouse, and I hope that I never feel that loss for a very long time. But I know what it feels like to lose someone you love. And the thoughtful man that he is...says to me today " I know today is the day Jessica passed away" and I cut him short and said...right now is about Laura Lee....
Over 30 nurses stood together while poems were read and memories of Laura Lee were shared. We released our balloons into the air for our friend, and she was present...as a large rainbow made it's presence in the sky that showed no signs of rain. It was a sign to show she approved...and that she was there with us all today.
Days like today remind me how precious our lives are. How precious our loved ones really are. We often take for granted so much in our lives and blame our busy schedules and lack of time for the reasons we don't call our family or friends often enough, or why we don't make the effort to visit more often. Sometimes we work to hard, we spend so much time on the things that really don't matter in the big picture. When you lose someone important to you, all you wish is that you had more time to spend with them. I only knew Jessica for one month, I never had the chance to really get to know her, even though I see her face everyday in Alyssa.
It sounds silly, but I still feel the need to be a mother to my daughter in heaven. It is a challenge...and there is only so much that I can do, but I need to. That's the best way to explain it. I need to do this. I send up balloons to her on her birthday and anniversary of her death. I light a candle in her memory. And I organize the IWK 5K - In Memory of Jessica, because it is my way to be a Mom to my Jessica who passed away six years ago today. I celebrate her short life, and hope to help other families so that they won't experience this loss. And for anyone who knows me...for the last couple of years my life has been pretty routine, I spend 6 months organizing the IWK event to keep me busy during a really hard time of the year, and then then next 6 months focused on myself training on a marathon to keep me busy. This is how I cope. And it is really the only way I know how.
Tonight my girls came home after soccer with Keith with me crying typing out this blog. They started to cry as they saw me cry. They asked me why I was so sad and then I told them about today. I told them about our celebration and I told them about Jessica's anniversary. Tonight was one of those nights where we question when the right time to tell the girls about their sister really is/was. Emily remembered right away and immediately started crying, and then right after Alyssa joined in. And the four of us sat on a single sofa chair hugging each other crying...Alyssa always seemed too young to really understand and not really as emotional as Emily, but tonight as we held her in our arms, she cried and said "Jessica is my twin"...she really understood. So we put down two very tired, emotional girls, with extra long cuddles and more kisses then normal....
It is ok to cry. It is ok to be sad. It is ok to love someone that is no longer here. But remember to love those that are still here...and always make time for each other now, because tomorrow you may not have that chance
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Here's to duck duck goose, and chocolate and ice cream...
5 years ago today, she was alive! Resting, breathing, heart beating laying on my chest....and then...she wasn't.
That lump always comes back, every year June 12, no matter how many years pass by, this is always remembered as the day Jessica left us...where did she go? I'm not sure, but I hope she is playing duck duck goose, picking lots of pretty flowers and wearing pretty dresses everyday and eating chocolate and ice cream, lots of chocolate and ice cream...because what kid doesn't like chocolate and ice cream? And I hope she loves every balloon I send to her, and shares them with all of her friends...hopefully God, or Jesus, or Grammie Adams is teaching her how to share, because that is something I didn't have the chance to teach her.
I used to think about all the things I missed out with her. All the things I could never teach her or show her, all the things I wanted for her...and although sometimes I still think those things. I now think of what I learned from her, and what she taught me...
She taught me unconditional love. I have never loved deeper then I did after meeting her...and I carry this through to all of my daughters. I have 3 daughters by the way... Emily, Alyssa, and Jessica who is happy playing duck duck goose and eating chocolate and ice cream somewhere high in the sky.
She taught me to pay more attention to children with special needs, love them as I would have loved her if she would have had the chance to live and had special needs. But in saying that, treat them no differently, they may have special needs but are just like every other kid in most ways. Reach out to their parents because they are doing an amazing job with unconditional love, and they have one of the toughest jobs in the world...and help in any way I can.
She taught me to give gratitude to the people that gave her life, and that gave us 1 month of snuggles, hand holding incubator time, and time to show each what we meant to each other. I have a special place in my heart for all those special nurses who cared for me and for her and continue to be in touch with us. It is because of you my girls were alive 5 years ago today....
I can't thank all of you enough...everyone who participated, volunteered, donated, sponsored and bought tickets, for this year's 4th Annual IWK 5K - In Memory of Jessica. You all helped me give gratitude to Jessica's only home and help other children in need, something I feel very passionate about and hope to continue doing for many years.
Tonight I will go to sleep remembering and dreaming what it was like 5 years ago to hold Jessica warm, breathing, and heart beating...memories I will never forget.
That lump always comes back, every year June 12, no matter how many years pass by, this is always remembered as the day Jessica left us...where did she go? I'm not sure, but I hope she is playing duck duck goose, picking lots of pretty flowers and wearing pretty dresses everyday and eating chocolate and ice cream, lots of chocolate and ice cream...because what kid doesn't like chocolate and ice cream? And I hope she loves every balloon I send to her, and shares them with all of her friends...hopefully God, or Jesus, or Grammie Adams is teaching her how to share, because that is something I didn't have the chance to teach her.
I used to think about all the things I missed out with her. All the things I could never teach her or show her, all the things I wanted for her...and although sometimes I still think those things. I now think of what I learned from her, and what she taught me...
She taught me unconditional love. I have never loved deeper then I did after meeting her...and I carry this through to all of my daughters. I have 3 daughters by the way... Emily, Alyssa, and Jessica who is happy playing duck duck goose and eating chocolate and ice cream somewhere high in the sky.
She taught me to pay more attention to children with special needs, love them as I would have loved her if she would have had the chance to live and had special needs. But in saying that, treat them no differently, they may have special needs but are just like every other kid in most ways. Reach out to their parents because they are doing an amazing job with unconditional love, and they have one of the toughest jobs in the world...and help in any way I can.
She taught me to give gratitude to the people that gave her life, and that gave us 1 month of snuggles, hand holding incubator time, and time to show each what we meant to each other. I have a special place in my heart for all those special nurses who cared for me and for her and continue to be in touch with us. It is because of you my girls were alive 5 years ago today....
I can't thank all of you enough...everyone who participated, volunteered, donated, sponsored and bought tickets, for this year's 4th Annual IWK 5K - In Memory of Jessica. You all helped me give gratitude to Jessica's only home and help other children in need, something I feel very passionate about and hope to continue doing for many years.
Tonight I will go to sleep remembering and dreaming what it was like 5 years ago to hold Jessica warm, breathing, and heart beating...memories I will never forget.
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